My First Words

 Self-diagnosed High-functioning Aspergars

When I was a wee one, I somehow fell out of my high chair. Apparently I received some serious injury to my face. My lower teeth penetrated between my lower lip and my chin. A deep scar for many years ran from the right underside of my chin, slanting up across my lips, and upwards into my left cheek. My mouth is crooked. My palate is slanted toward the left. I have since found out that all the bones in my face were fractured, with everything, including my nose bones, pushed to the left. That is why I do not breath well out of my left nostril. My sinus and cheek bones were fractured. It is likely I had a concussion. I am quite sure I was not taken to the doctor, which is just as well because Daddy was better at treatment than most doctors in those days. The year was1937. I am suspecting that this accident has influenced my life in many ways. 

I did not say my first words until I was 4. Those first words garnered me an embarrassing and painful spanking. My daddy (my mama preferred my silence) was always trying to get me to speak, but I had nothing to say. So I started planning something for my first words. I knew it should be wondrous and impressive. I had watched and listened to adults when they had not seen each other in a long time as they jokingly insulted each other. I had learned what I thought was the most appropriate greeting, therefore these would be my first words. My first words would be spoken when we went to visit Great-Aunt Theresa and Great-Uncle Charley in the wealthy community of Grosse Pointe, Michigan. Refined, reserved, and rich aunt and uncle of my daddy. I rehearsed my words in my head endlessly when I heard we would be going. I rehearsed them in my head for the entire two-hour car ride. 

We were met in the foyer and the adults greeted each other with hugs, warm smiles, and quiet conversation.  Children were generally ignored, as was the rule in those days, children should be seen and not heard.  Of course since I had never been heard, I was unaware of this rule.  I learned it rather quickly though. And I learned there was a very good reason for this rule. I was waiting patiently for my chance to speak my first words as the adult conversation continued for more than a few minutes. In retrospect, my first mistake was opening my mouth.  My second was forgetting that the joking insults only occurred when we visited one of my daddy's five brothers.  It was they who kidded each other about loss of hair or spreading gut.

So there I was down there near the floor waiting for my big opportunity to speak.   Tiny blond skinny 4-year-old with first words at the ready. Finally, a temporary lull in the conversation. OK, big breath, Go! In high-pitched squeaky voice; "Uncle Charley, you have gotten so fat." I was sure that everyone would be impressed and they all would burst into joyful laughter........any minute now.  

Dead silence. They all stood looking down at me. I was looking up expectantly and feeling quite proud of myself. Without a word, my daddy scooped me up, carried me into the dining room and walloped my tiny behind with his big ham-like hands. He was furious. I was mortified. And rightfully so.

My first words, inappropriately spoken. The beginnings of the story of my life.