HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

June Gardens gets credit for the idea for this story.  This is what could have happened, Joooon. 

This morning the weather was perfect so I took a walk in the park. There was a man doing some filming and he hollered at me to do something funny. So I fell down on the grass and played dead.

I felt a lump under my back and I reached around to see what it was. My hand was smeared in dog poop. I jumped up, took off my jacket, and flung it on the ground.

Then I wiped my hand on the damp grass to clean the poop off. I accidentally rubbed my hand in a fire ant nest. Before I knew it they were in my pants and biting my legs. I tore off all my clothes and ran like hell.

Then a bunch of dogs began to chase me. The faster I ran, the faster they ran. I saw a yellow cab so I leaped into the back seat and yelled, get out of here quick. The driver jumped out of the cab and ran away.

The traffic was backing up because the cab was blocking the street. Horns were beeping and people were yelling bad words so I climbed into the front seat and attempted to move the cab out of the way. But there was no place to park, so I had to keep moving.

The other cars were on my bumper urging me to go faster and so I did. We were zooming through town when one of my tires blew. I ran off the road, through a bakery window, landing behind the counter.

I had not had breakfast so I reached in and grabbed a handful of donuts with my clean hand. While stuffing them into my mouth, I looked up and saw seven cops with guns drawn.

 I was charged with filing a false report by playing dead. Disturbing park wildlife. Littering. Being a public nuisance. Dog theft. Disturbing the peace. Public nudity. Disrupting traffic. Cab theft. Driving without a license. Speeding. Reckless driving. Robbing a bakery. I could be out in 30 years with good behavior. How was your day?